Tales Right Off The Pot

Lately i have started to take my book on to the pot(office included).

The most funny thing happened today as i was always thinking that being too engrossed into the book would certainly put me in a fix some day or the other and i guess today was the day. My fears all the time were mainly around no toilet paper and stuff.

Today like in all management dilemmas where the strongest resource turns to be an issue the toilets here have in addition to the toilet paper have a water jet kind of thing which fuses the western pot with Indian fixes. I'm like all into the book and did not know that the stupid nozzle is not pointing where it should and i pressed it and swoosh all of my shoulder is dripping with water and I'm thinking that if someone sees me now they would know that something is not right but then I'm like lets just see if someone says anything....

Its been 20 mins since and no one has noticed so i guess embarrassment has been saved :-)

Of Reading and Transporting Pets Via Air

Finally I've been able to break the 5 month old curse of 'No-Book-Getting-Completed' by finally wrapping up Maximum City by Suketu Mehta. Great read abt Mumbai from dons to damsels. All rolled up in a great narrative note. Also I'm already halfway through the next one - Diplomatic Baggage - Adventures of a Trailing Spouse By Brigid Keenan. The most interesting book belonging to the 'ya-ya' sisterhood clan. Must read for all feminist women. period.

Last Friday was the closet which i ever got to acknowledging my paternal emotions. Though it happened to be towards my lil canine 'Chai' who over the period of her entire association with me has seen enough tragedies, the latest one to be chaptered as 'Tales from behind the Cage In the Cargo'.

To be very truthful i was always uncertain about transporting 'Chai' to Delhi with us as between Aastha and myself we were always in the cloud about how would she be managed !! However much to Aastha's persistence we finally took her to the airport to be taken to Delhi abode the flight IC-404 Indian Airlines. Aastha was already traveling full baggage so the plan was for me to go light so that we can handle chai easily.

Turns out that she is too big in size to be allowed in the cabin though i'm sure i could have proven to the airline staff that she has the brain of a month old pup. Nevertheless we got at the airport and we loaded her into the cage and she's all calm for full 5 mins after which she first started to howl a lil and then started to bang herself against the door and then came the door of the cage out on the floor. The lil rut was successful in dismantling the cage for which i paid 1800 INR in 5 mins.

Some way or the other we kept her calm by giving her oranges and apples which aastha bought from the guest house. So I'm in the line with the 11 kg box on the trolley in front of me and suddenly the lil freak jumps out of the box and makes a dash for the floor and i'm like WTF !! and in no time i'm on the floor of the airport trying to console her that its ok and she's like more eager to see 20,000 2 legged animals staring down at her. Again she goes in !!

Finally i go through the big queue for the security checkin to realize that the cop on duty asked me to go and stand in the wrong line and there blew the steam off and i'm WTF !! WTF - jackass and he's scared of me and i go and meet the duty manager for Indian Airlines who politely tells me that the dog cannot go into the cabin. So i go and get a EBT paying a whopping 4K which is same as to what my ticket costs. All done i get the cage on the conveyor belt and take a breath of satisfaction. Please note all this while I was cussing Aastha for why do we need do to go through this? and acknowledging at the same time that she has no clue as to what's happening with her dog all this time.

I jump conveyor belts to get ahead in the queue and clear security ;-) (Talk about process compliance) meet aastha and was just chat chatting when suddenly my worse fears come true. A guy holding a walkie talkie approaching me furiously and I'm thinking no this can't be real - "Chai jumped out of the Cage and is running free on the airport" and thats exactly what happened and the next moment I'm running out of the security hold area with the walkie talkie guy to the cargo area and the guys are looking at me and I'm waiting for Chai to come out running from the conveyor belt tunnel towards me. I wait for 5 mins and i see a cop coming out holding the cage his face gleaming with pride that he has been able to cage Dr. Evil.

Again i get down get Chai who was already going berserk out of the cage and then use a rope to secure the cage properly, put her back in and tape the cage now but by that time i was done trusting anyone with the cage so i told the walkie talkie guy that i want to go with the cargo guys and put her myself in the cargo area and he's like no and I'm like no...finally he agreed to let me pass through to the cargo area of the plane (This is what is cool about India. Rules can be bent if not broken for people like me). Took Chai to the area and finally left her at the point where the manager himself took responsibility about ensuring that the cage would be put in the right area. Funny enough he also mentioned - 'We don't want the pet to stay here as it has caused enough trouble' :-)

I got in after i thanked the guys there and again got out to board the plane. Ate so much tamarind sweets that my tooth started to ache and mentally prepared myself for what to do once the flight landed. All this time aastha and me are discussing if she would be able to make it through the flight.

The flight landed i jump out to go and talk to the cargo guys that i want my pet with me and he's like no cannot take her and I'm like Yes I'm !! and i go and wait for the baggage to arrive at the conveyor belt area again. The cage was bought on top of all the other bags in a trolley. Looking at it from a distance i felt so full of remorse that for my personal happiness i had subjected the poor thing through a terrible ordeal. So i again argue my way to take the cage with me from outside n not pick it off the belt and Chai no surely pissed off by the whole episode starts to cry hysterically to be let out of the cage which we did inside the airport and she's all jumping around wanting to just get away from all 2 legged animals staring at her.

Jas./

The Latest High !!

Both Aaz and Myself have drowned ourselves in love of the stupid box called TV. Over the last 6 weeks we now have watched around 100 hrs of movies and serials. That comes to abt 2.3 hrs everyday. Now look at some other dimensions - We have successfully delivered 2 complete iterations over this period which means late nights in office at least 2-3 times a week thus in effect watching 2 hrs of movies even after coming late.

So strong has been the addiction that i have started to have neck pain which comes in when you watch a lot of TV lying down. I agree that its manic behavior but it was worth it, the effect has been very profound on baby Chai too as she stays up all night and then sleeps in the morning.

Jas./

Things to Remember When Transporting a Dog By Air

If you are in India and love pets more than humans like i do then probably this article makes sense for you

1) Most of the so called good airlines do not have a pet relocation policy namely Kingfisher, Sahara, Deccan etc

2) The only 2 airlines which allow for transfer of pets via air are Jet Airways and Indian Airlines.

3) You need to call up the cargo office for Jet 2 days before the flight so that they can make the arrangements (Since ur pet is going to be a blue whale which needs the cargo hold up area to be empty and also the airline can stop flying people in the cargo)

4) Get a wooden box for the pet as a fiber cage is not appropriate for air travel. This pisses me off the most as the vet suggests a fibre cage but the box as per the airline would become toxic in air - what a Jack Ass - Now i need to search a carpenter to make a wooden box for Chai

5) Ensure that you are carrying the necessary vaccination records for the Dog who knows your puppy named Einstein might get out of the wooden box and bite the whale which the co passenger is transporting

6) The best part is the freight charges - This is how i was told abt it -
For Delhi it would be 76.05 * 2 * (Weight of the Dog or dimensions of the box which ever is larger) + 60 + 12.36 % = I'm still trying to figure out the math behind this.

God Damn this airline seriously. I'm going to find out with Indian Airlines tonight as to whether they give me a better deal.

The Civil Disobediance Act of 2007 for Dogs

Lady Chai has just announced the Civil Disobedience Act of 2007 for Dogs which prohibits any kind of questioning any dog especially Lady Chai about anything. The act once implemented would mean that:-
1) It is a dog's birth right to creep up slowly from behind anyone and scare the shit out of anyone.
2) Its my bed and my pillow. period.
3) Meals shall only be strictly non vegetarian any attempts on the part of the owner to feed a vegetarian meal to the canine shall be against the religious beliefs of the dog community.
4) All items of daily use even the personal ones have to pass through my mouth.
5) No relieving myself in public places. I shall poop and pee only in my home. Italian marble is appreciated.
6) Dare not leash me i shall ensure that the decibel level in your proximity double every 10 sec leading to utter chaos in your mind.
7) Dare not call me a Bitch I'm a Dawg.
8) Your discipline is not worthy of me hence do not even try that.

P.S: In case you disagree with any of the points mentioned above just shut up and spare me the noise.

With love
Lady Chai